I am part of an amazing group of online writers that is given a prompt weekly and asked to do a free write for 10 minutes. We then share anonymously and give thoughts on each others writing. It isn’t about creating the best piece of work, or crafting everything just so, it is simply the invitation to show up, to let the floodgates open and to see what happens. It is amazing to me what pours out when you give yourself direction, time and space.
I am sharing my pondering for last weeks prompt hoping you will join in. I feel like so many of the ponderings, the thoughts we would normally share over coffee, over a playdate, on a walk aren’t happening, so I am opening up a broader conversation. I would love to hear your response to the questions, thoughts and ponderings. I am welcoming you to a collective coffee date- pandemic style :).
I sit here…
I sit here so many things left undone.
I sit here finally in the office after so much time at home.
I sit here uncomfortable in my own skin in such literal ways, this pandemic has made me more slothlike, less movement in all of my life, no delicious stretches, little movement, no sweat that restores and nourishes and no reaching… simply sitting… so much sitting.
I have started to do yoga again, to delight in my body, to feel the stretch in the inner muscles, to remind myself that I am made for movement, and the sun and the warmer air invites me to walk and to find my way onto the bike again.
I sit here wondering if I will ever feel what I did pre-pandemic. If I want to. I sit here wondering where the past year has gone and yet not wanting it to be gone yet… and fearful of what this clunky in-between time will reveal… as people move from what was to what is to what will be.
Will we remember kindness, to our bodies, to one another, will we remember what it is like to interact, what will we keep from our pandemic time, what will we gladly get rid of, what lessons have we been reminded of, what lessons would we rather have forgotten.
How are we to soothe our collective nervous systems, to find new ways to relate, to remember what it is like to hug a friend, to sit close, to feel another human in our space and to welcome vs. recoil in fear.
What will it be like to walk down the street and not wonder if we should or shouldn’t wear a mask, or what does the CDC or local health authority say about this activity… what will it be like to have our lives back in a new way, what will it be like now knowing there are so many fissures and cracks in relationships, so many things that have happened, so many new narratives, so many new ways of learning what life looks like from another’s perspective.
I sit here and wonder what this collective trauma will unearth, how/if it will be used to heal or to harm. How what we have learned about trauma, about how we respond to trauma, about how we are to care for ourselves and others, about how little control we have, about how much control we have over certain aspects of our lives… learning to live in this in-between.
Every generation it seems has their galvanizing moment/thing… wars, famine, natural disasters… now add global pandemic, racial unrest, a radical remembering of what our collective history truly is and what we have suppressed. How will this be remembered, how will this be talked about.
Who will this show us to be?
Will we be another “Greatest Generation” at the end of the day did we care for one another, did we show up in ways that are meaningful, did we allow circumstances to change us, to shift us to mold us.
As I sit here I ponder all of these things, connected by a keyboard, and this ethereal internet that then places these words in your hands, in your heart and I wonder… what will your answer be to this prompt?
Hi Erica,
Thank you for sharing these reflections on life as we know it. We are very much in one of those “in between” times. Divisions and conflicts seem to have been magnified as the pandemic has become very political in how it has been handled and this has spilled over into other areas of politics and life, which saddens me. We need to continue to work to seek common ground rather than this red vs. blue/us vs. them mentality that has become toxic within our society these days.
As I was talking with my teaching partner and our principal yesterday, my principal pointed out that we’ll have a group of students coming to the school building for the first time as first graders since they were virtual learners this year as Kindergarteners. They will have many social routines to learn-things that we took for granted as Kindergarten skills. I think this pandemic will not have an off “switch” and there will be lasting ripple effects for years to come. How has this truly impacted us and what traumas will we need to unravel as we move forward? What will birthday parties and play dates look like? How will this affect the social/emotional well being of our kids?
I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying this time with your beautiful family.
With Love,
Kara
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Hi Erica,
My life, in the year of the Covid.
My life is one of many emotions, which fear & anxiety are at the bottom of my list.
Except for three weeks last April when our shop and many businesses were closed down, we were homebound for that time I haven’t changed all that much. I work 1/2 days at my business, exercise the same, go to stores with mask & social distance, see family if we have not been exposed to covid, that we know. We take precautions but won’t be paralyzed by fear.
Regrets are, missing Easter season, Memorial Day, 4th of July, State Fair, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, all though we still made all the food and had the family come to the door and pick up food. We did have Christmas with the whole family.
One of the blessings that I have experienced since the start of this pandemic has been learning about and being part of the beautiful St. John’s Community. For 21 years, I would leave with a heavy heart that I will not be coming back for another year, missing the safety net, sounds, Monks, Oblates, prayers, services, the sight and sound of the beautiful church, the meals, and talks with my fellow Oblates. The sadness leaving my bench down by the lake, the beauty of the lake, looking over at the original chapel, listening to the loons, squirrels, and birds, then one more trip up to the cemetery for one more prayer for Fr. Allan, Abbot Timothy and others that have gone to God.
The email notice: there will be a Retreat, only on Zoom. Days, times, prayers, services, speakers, everything but the meals, being with each other, the Lake, Cemetery, other than that, Fr. Michael promised, will try to fill our needs.
I have always gone by the phrase, Expect nothing, you and will not be disappointed. After signing on to Zoom on the computer Friday night for the first conference, seeing about 80 Oblates, something happened. I felt the community, the warmth of the people, the holiness of the moment, felt the presence of God.
I couldn’t wait for the rest of the conferences, talks, and chats among the participants after each session, and then……The Mass on Sunday. I was captivated. I was most certainly not disappointed but was comforted.
After the first monthly Saturday Zoom meetings started, missing the first two, how could this be as good as the Retreat? Another pleasant surprise. The speakers, topics, atmosphere, and seeing so many fellow Oblates every month was just what I and many of us Oblates needed.
Another good thing was they started daily Mass online and other prayer services instead of weekly Mass, I now can tune in every day at my convenience which is usually an hour before bedtime. These help to wipe away the negativity of the day.
Other blessings have been to shut down the negativity of all the news & politics. I try to only focus on positivity, the present, and goodness in people when having a hard time in life and take it out on everybody else. That has to be the hardest thing to adjust to.
One more blessing of, one of many, I can think of is there have been many blogs, posts, meetings, etc. people, like Erica helping other people cope with the stress of life. I have found many on U-Tube. Ted Talks are helpful to watch, I have not watched mainstream TV in over two years, like the mainstream news, way too much negativity and trash.
That is pretty much part of my life in the year of Covid. With all the negativity, sickness, and death, there has been a lot of blessings. Thanks, Erica, for giving us a chance to let go. One voice can help change the world.