I was reading through something I had written a year ago and was struck by the clarity, the depth, and the authenticity of it.
At the time I didn’t feel clear at all. The words just fell onto the page and I just left them, too tired to “fix” them so they were “pretty and sparkly” (aka- perfect). I have been reminded recently that the more I try to control things, to rearrange them to fit what I “think” they should be- the more frustrated, overwhelmed and overstimulated I get- and the less clear things are.
It reminded me too, that if we allow ourselves the space and the safety to be brave, to be honest, to be open we often have the wisdom within us to find that next step. Even when we are swirling in the midst of chaos, if we are able to breathe deeply and tap into the core of our being, the Divine spark within us that knows that where we are is where we need to be will guide us there, one step at a time.
I am slowly remembering (again) to release my death grip on control and perfectionism and see the beauty in the process, in the midst of the In-Between.
So to my heart I vow:
I am no longer waiting to see the beauty until it is all cleaned up and sanitized accordingly- but instead see the beauty in the midst of the pain seeking the raw power of a vulnerable heart.
I am trusting in the process to be the important part, not the moment where you survey your work at the end of your life, instead the living the depth of it in the midst of it.
I am willing to believe that we can become strong in the broken places- and that light shines through in the cracks of our foundations and THAT can be beautiful.
I can give myself the same grace and forgiveness that I offer to others, and to surround myself with people who remind me when I forget.
To let these words apply to me too, not just everyone else:
We’re all stumbling towards the light with varying degrees of grace at any given moment.
To remember even the process is beautiful.