Do not depend on the hope of results. When you are doing the sort of work you have taken on, essentially an apostolic work, you may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect.
As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself.
—Thomas Merton, in a letter to Jim Forest dated February 21, 1966
I have a wise friend who when I was in the midst of a whirlwind of change gently asked if perhaps instead of focusing on the what of the changes, the what of what I wanted to be and accomplish I would instead focus on the who.
This one shift altered everything.
Rather than looking at my list of to do’s trying to figure out if I was “doing” enough, instead I focused on whether or not I was who I wanted to be in the mist of it all.
It forced me to discern what kind of a person do I want to be, to really chew on that, to figure out what it would truly look like. Do I want to radiate joy, do I want to be a generous listener, do I want to live out my compassion, what does a life of intention and integrity look like… what kind of a “who” would that be.
Who would I be if I lived out my principles in a more intentional way, if I fully leaned into a wholehearted life of being generous in spirit, in love, in honesty, in joy.
So that has been my latest Erica Experiment… looking at the “Who” of me and letting go of having to know the “What”.
And what has surprised me is that the whats generally fall into place on their own, they don’t need the attention I was lavishing on them, writing and rewriting my to do lists, adding to my dreams, berating myself for having such similar lists week after week because there are only so many hours in a day.
Instead asking at the end of the day if I crossed off enough on my list I have been asking questions like: did I live out love, did I offer my gifts to another, did I connect in a meaningful way, did I share laughter with someone?
Somehow life seems more full, and with less stress I am getting more done, and with more joy, with more gratitude and more grace.
Erica Staab 
This is such a great reminder, Erica. I get so caught up in doing that I lose sight of being. And especially when I think that in order to help, to contribute, to make a difference means lots and lots of busyness and work, forgetting that WHO I am is also a gift, naturally and without so much effort. I read a quote from Anne Lamott today that’s related. She said “The love and good and the wild and the peace and creation that are you will reveal themselves, but it is harder when they have to catch up to you in roadrunner mode.” You always are able to cut right through my confusion, remind me to be quiet, still, and I am so grateful for that.
Oh I LOVE that quote! And very applicable to me right now 🙂
And it is so funny because your presence has been such a gift to me, and I treasure that… and yet it is harder to see that same gift in ourselves I think. So wonderful to be able to offer each other those gentle reminders 🙂
This my dear friend is what I have been trying to do every day of my life the past few years. I seldom think of what I’ve accomplished but what I’ve done to make fellow human beings life a little more pleasant. I start every morning with those thoughts and somedays I feel like a complete failure, in my eyes anyway, but I know I’ve tried. I try so hard to especially listen to others and sometimes I find I’m taking over the conversation and try to get back on track.
Thank you once again for reminding us the value of life as you are living it. I listen to podcast every night on my walk from Tapestry & On Being and listen to positive words, interviews & stories. Like your stories they give me encouragement to keep trying every day to be a better person and share my love with everyone I meet.
Keep up your wonderful work.
You have no idea how many lives you have touched! If only you could see the ripple affect that your kindness has.
Just as an example- today, after stopping by the Coffee Shop to chat with Jodie for a minute I drove by the Print Shop and simply seeing the sign on the door and knowing you were probably inside reminded me to smile, breathe deeply and go on spreading love and kindness.
I wholeheartedly agree that as we envision the “who” that we hope to become we can live into that reality better than when we focus on the “whats.” It is a daily challenge, however, given that our world values productivity so much. Thanks for your helpful words.
Yes, I agree… it is a choice that must be a made on a daily basis… sometimes easier than others 🙂
This amazing God given focus will also keep you on His path created and guided by Him, especially and ONLY for the beautiful woman you are! Thanks for sharing, I needed to be reminded and you did so beautifully!
As always your words make me smile 🙂 Thank you!
This is an incredible post… thank you.
Sometimes, I find that writing lists, etc., keeps me from that deep place of the who, which can seem so scary. Thank you for the reminder that it’s what’s important.
Oh absolutely Stephanie! It can be so scary at times… and for me at least when life is so full the emptiness of making space for that question, for that authenticity the quietness that simply resonates in that space can be daunting and scary… And yet it is where great peace, calm and so many other wonderful things can be found if we can outlast the discomfort of the initial part…
Reminds me of one of my favorite Rilke quotes:
“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
Oh, Rilke is so wonderful!
I know for me, my meditation practice is what helps me to allow for that space and while I feel like I may fall in to it, that the frightening parts is how it is, because we simply are not used to that space.
Thanks for the thoughtful posts and response 🙂
Yes, I find myself going back time and time again to his words…
And I find too that the more that I am willing to go to that place the easier it is and the more I crave it… such a beautiful thing the space within, so many gifts waiting to be unearthed… as I was clicking around this morning I also unearthed this quote that I thought applied as well…
“Dwelling with myself. That really is my challenge. It is so much easier, so much more tempting, to turn away, to get busy doing something else, to skim along on the surface of my life instead of stopping, sitting still, going inside, and going deep. To write, or to read, about the inner life is to believe that what we think and how we feel matters. To be a friend of memoir is to stake a claim for the significance of the examined life. It is to say that our inner narratives are as important as the activities and achievements, the successes and failures, that fill our days. It is to say that locating the story within the contradictions of our lives is a worthy pursuit.” ~Katrina Kenison
That’s lovely! Thank you 🙂