“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”
― Anne Lamott
Another Erica experiment that I have been undertaking is what would it look like if I didn’t wear my superhero cape. This can be somewhat difficult given that I have always identified myself as the “helper”. In photos of me as a child I was always the one who at 3 years old was holding a baby half my size, I was the one who people would come to for help, for assistance, for comfort, for guidance. And loved every minute of it, I lived to be able to be of service, to be able to comfort and save. But there were also pieces that weren’t so wonderful. By focusing on everyone else it often meant I neglected myself and my needs. For a long time I didn’t even acknowledge that I had needs because I was so busy making sure everyone else’s were met. I violated my own boundaries to maintain those of others, I allowed people to drink from my glass without taking the time to refill it and when I was empty wouldn’t go to another to help replenish but instead wonder why I felt tired, depleted and low energy. And those around me often didn’t feel the love that I felt for them because I was to busy trying to save everyone at the expense of those closest to me.
After a series of “unfortunate events” I realized that I didn’t want to live like that any more. That I had to figure out a new way of being of service, of giving, of being who I am, but also learning what that really meant. Although I knew how to skillfully help other people live out who they were, to bring out the best of themselves I didn’t apply the same things to myself.
What would it look like if I didn’t believe I was here to save the world, but merely to participate in it. What would it look like if I stood there and shone vs. running all over the island. What would it look like if I invited people to save themselves and instead shone the light of love, compassion, space, and kindness and belief in their inherent worth and ability to save themselves.
What I’ve also discovered is, not only do I have the gift of shining, but the light source is not mine alone. It comes from Heaven and is God’s gift to the people in this world He has planned to see it, and He brings them to this island of my life so I can be His light house. Thanks once again Erica for so beautifully leading me into deeper connections with my Source!
You indeed shine so very brightly!!
So beautiful Erica! What a hard thing to do, to stand there shining. You do it so well!!
Awww… thank you! And I would venture to say that there are many who would agree that you shine quite brightly yourself!
You’re getting older Erica and wiser 😉 Maybe you’re seeing at a much younger age on what I’ve been feeling the past couple of years.
After 2 heart attacks, bout with cancer and getting older and realizing I’ve probably 15 to 20 years of relatively good years of life ahead baring any physical and mental set backs I’ve resigned to regroup my life.
After 40 years of service to family and others as well as work I am cutting back on my service to others and am being there for others in words, listening, and just being there for anybody that needs someone. I’m also letting others give me encouragement through Facebook and one on one by not hiding my problems and health issues but also not flaunting them.
People like us want to know about our issues like we have wanted to know about theirs. In my case it’s time to let younger people take on some of my passions and help them by letting them do it and be there to listen if they want to talk.
By cutting back on the service I have more time to listen, read helpful and positive words and stories to be there for those who just might need someone to lean on at some point.
At 66 I’m enjoying life more then any other point in life. Working a nice number of hours per day as my mind and body allows. Enjoying people I want to be around. Reading and listening to what I want to. Staying away from negative people and most negativity all together, (in other words staying away from political, religious squabbling and a lot of national news).
I may sound and I may be selfish, but for now that’s my life and I’m sticking to it, at least for now. I’ve also learned that every year especially the last 5 years things change dramatically from one year to the next. So for now I’m enjoying my life and I’m enjoying your words of wisdom and that of other extraordinary people.
Thanks again Erica for your great words and projects.
Erica, your message today brought tears to my eyes. You are the epitome of the loving giver and caretaker and I just know it must be a ‘Lutheran thing’ to be a young woman who was raised from an early age to always care for others and not think so much of self. It took a divorce and change of life for me to realize that it’s okay to accept help from others now and then and to step back from being always the helper and sometimes needing to be the ‘helpee’! You are wise beyond your years and have such a wonderful God-given talent to express that wisdom by helping so many others deal with life’s challenges! BTW, although I know you are a very independent young woman, it would certainly be great for you to meet a single man your age with the characteristics of “printerguy402” – sounds like he’s walked a long time in the shoes of someone whose personality, philosophy, wisdom and thoughtfulness is so closely related to your own.
Yay, I found you! I’ve been thinking a lot over the weekend about my cup (thanks for the reminder) and then saw this post. This is the story I would have shared with you if I was as articulate as you are. “Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a princess who loved her superhero cape and tights so much that they became her second skin.” We need to write the perfect ending, don’t you think?