Archive for the ‘Gifts’ Category

My Valentine’s Wish For You…

Posted in Gifts, Joy, Light, tagged Self Love, Valentines Day, Yes on February 15, 2012| 3 Comments »

Monday night we were celebrating my friends birthday and I was out with my niece and nephew. I knew that i was going to be spending Valentine’s evening with them so I had asked Q who is two and utterly adorable as you can see:

“Q, will you be my Valentine?”

He was sitting in my lap at the time and he threw his hands in the air, squealed and said with such fierce determination and a smile just like you see there “YES!”.

My wish for you this Valentine is that whether you spend your Valentine’s Day with your significant other, your children, your parents, your favorite four-legged family member, or enjoying your own company, when that question is asked “Will you be my Valentine?” You can fling your arms up in the air and say “YES!”.

You deserve a love like that, you deserve to have your needs met, your heart held, your very being celebrated.

Surround yourself with people who provide that for you, seek out those who lift you up and who honor the gift you are.

And even more importantly be sure that you are giving yourself that same gift.

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40 Days of Silence

Posted in Gifts, Life as Prayer, Shifts, Uncategorized, tagged 40 Days of Silence, dealing with today, Intentional Living, Meditation, voice of wisdom, work life balance on February 14, 2012| 5 Comments »

Learn to pause… or nothing worthwhile will catch up with you.

Doug King

Since I had pretty much four days to do not a whole lot but sleep and think, I had been thinking a lot about stopping, about surrendering. About listening to the voice that won’t yell, that won’t clamor above the noise to be heard, the voice that requires your full attention before sharing it’s wisdom with you.

This is the voice that speaks to me when I write deeply from the heart, the voice that always speaks with love and compassion, but can also share truth that sometimes stings a little. This is the voice that won’t play games, that won’t appear on demand when I have five minutes, nor will it disappear no matter how long I refuse to make time for it. It is the voice that helps to balance me, that reminds me to enjoy my life, to drink deeply of each experience, the voice that helps keep me connected to me.

And I realize I haven’t been doing a good job of making time for my inner voice of wisdom lately.

I have been doing a great job of living a life I love, of balancing a lot of competing demands, of being a lot of things to a lot of people- but not carving out specific time to listen to that inner voice of wisdom. This is one of the dangers of a life that is full… full of events, activities, people, places and things… most of which are chosen well, but I had some time to think through what it is that I want. Is my work/life balance working, is my self-care working, is my time with friends and family enough, is my writing time/alone time enough. What is it that I really want and need in my life right now… at least for the next six months.

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” Stephen R. Covey

One of the best lessons I have learned from my friends who are parents of young children is the constant reminder that the children that you are dealing with today will not be the children you have a week from now, a month from now. Every day they grow and change, their needs change, their ability to handle life changes, their very beings mold and adapt each day. And sometimes before a big growth spurt they will momentarily regress to gather themselves to propel to their next developmental stage. Somehow I had forgotten that as adults we do the same. Life changes, seasons change, our self-care and priorities need to change with them as well. And it is good to revisit what is working, what isn’t working and make small adjustments.

As I move towards living my life with more intention, with the goal of becoming the best Erica I can be I am realizing that incremental change isn’t as sexy as declaring that I shall eat nothing but grapefruit and chant 100 prayers a day and do yoga for 30 days straight, but it does certainly get me better results and for me it sticks.

I had wanted to eat better, to incorporate more fruits and veggies, and since watching Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead to use a juicer on a regular basis- I have started to do that because my intention was simple to get at least 5 more servings of fruit a week. Incremental change, and it has made a difference.

After having a great call with my coach tonight and talking about some of bits and pieces that my inner voice of wisdom has shared since I was forced/made time to listen (because as a good friend pointed out, regardless I was going to be sick, but it didn’t mean I had to learn anything, I made that choice, to be present for the lessons that were unfolding). I realized that I want more of that in my life. So instead of the radical change that I would have wanted in the past… perhaps 7 days of silence in a monastery somewhere in Nepal that would have never happened because it would require a passport and vaccinations and tickets and… and… instead, I am taking the incremental change route.

40 Days of Silence.

I am committing to 40 Days of Silence.

And the incremental roll out of that will be that for the next 40 days I will make a conscious choice to carve out five minutes of my day to be silent. And my coach had asked a great clarifying question “What is your definition of silence?” And I realized that for me I wanted it to incorporate a few different pieces…

One is that it is without any obvious distractions, but more importantly that it be without “productive thought”. So often when I sit with the intention of being silent I am trying to figure out what I should write next, or what goal I am working towards, or thinking about wow, it is quiet maybe I should turn on the radio/tv, check Facebook, anything but just savoring this peaceful moment. So to have it be about savoring the moment as is, whatever that may be.

Two is that I want it to have some element of the natural world. Living in Minnesota watching the snow fall softly is one of my favorite afternoon activities, but we haven’t had a whole lot this year, and I haven’t made time to enjoy it. Watching the branches and leaves sway, watching the clouds float by, appreciating the sun on my face when I get a chance to be outside during the day, all of these invite that spacious silence that I am seeking.

Three is sitting in the lap of love. I have a friend that calls her prayer time lap time. And whenever I am anxious, frustrated or have wound myself tightly about something that I usually have little control over she will remind me “Have you had your lap time?”. Taking the time to curl up in the lap of God and enjoy letting go of control, allowing yourself to simply feel completely and utterly loved.

Four is sometimes it will mean more of a moving meditation. Quietly walking, or stretching, or something else that my body is called to do.

So I know myself well enough to know that I have to have enough structure to make sense, but not enough that it feels claustrophobic. So how will I know? I will know it is that time because when I walk away I will feel connected and restored. I will feel like slowing down. I will feel like I have just had a tall glass of cool water.

So I am sure that I will share more about my 40 Days of Silence, but I invite you to consider, what is it that you would like more of in your life? What would you like to focus on for 40 Days?

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More and less…

Posted in Gifts, Joy, Questions, Shifts, Visible Love, tagged inner voice, writing books on January 2, 2012| 4 Comments »

Something to remember for the New Year!!

It is the New Year… time for many to take stock of where they are, where they want to be and make resolutions. I have a love hate relationship with resolutions and so I don’t do them in the traditional way… but of course I love the opportunity to be able to think about what I want the next year to look like, how I want to shape my part of it, what I want to leave open to God/the Universe/Mystery/Chance, and what I just don’t even know is possible yet.

So instead of New Year’s Resolutions I decided to make a list of what I want more of and what I want less of:

Less:

Comparing- myself or my life (which is in process) to a static idea of what I “should” be, to my own projection or anyone else’s

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
~ Steve Jobs

Judgment

Saying yes from obligation

Saying no from fear

Guilt

Feeling responsible for others

Being anyone but me

Live Music

Being around people doing what they love

Lightness of being

Reading

Grace

Relaxation

Looking through the eyes of love

Letting go

Joy

Working out

Laughing so hard my stomach and cheeks hurt the next day

Warrior Dash Days

Love

Light

Laughter

Lattes

Enjoying the moment- and being there with no guilt, simply joy and an acute awareness of the blessings that surround me

Letters- sending and receiving

Writing the Brave Letters- (more soon on that :))

Writing- books, poetry, letters, prayers, journal entries- JUST WRITE

Losing myself in beauty

Being outdoors

Remembering the truth of this statement and choosing the company of joy-

There’s only one address anyone lives at and it’s always a duplex: Joy and pain always co-habit every season of life.

Accept them both and keep company with the joy while the pain does it’s necessary renovations.

~ Ann Voskamp

Prayer/Meditation

Making space

Radiance

Tea

Sun

Sweat- loving the feeling at the end of a workout of muscles that have been pushed to their limit

Pride in the life that I have created

Letting love in

Capturing beauty

Taking time to celebrate all that I have done

Taking time to think about all that I want to do

Investing in myself, in my dreams, in my own life

Clearing out

Asking for help when needed- giving help when the opportunity presents itself

Glowing- with health, with love, with peace and contentment

Creating- being in the flow

Feeling good in my own skin

Deepening into me

Wisdom

Continuing to be a part of something bigger

Moments where I am so entranced by what I am doing that I forget where I am, what time it is, or what I “need” to do

Creating community

Helping bring out the light in others

Letting my own light shine

Celebrating all of the gifts that surround me every day

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What I am really saying…

Posted in Gifts, Grief, Life as Prayer on December 30, 2011| Leave a Comment »

As I have been cleaning and clearing out space for the new year, taking stock of what was, resting in what is and becoming excited about what may be I have been reading many of my old writings, looking at the quotes, blogs and books that I have collected and have been reminded of the threads that bind all of them together…

And it boils down to some simple truths…

You are okay (really- even when you feel the furthest from it).

Your greatest moments of pain and vulnerability can alchemize into your greatest strengths if you let them.

Healing, love and connection are waiting to be invited into your life.

Compassion, love and kindness are never not needed, nor are they ever wasted.

Your presence is needed.

You are enough, just as you are.

You are so deeply loved.

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Permission…

Posted in Gifts, Grief, Joy, Shifts, The In-Between on December 28, 2011| 1 Comment »

“The deeper your scars, the more room there is to fill them up with love. Don’t hate your scars, appreciate their depth.”

—Daniel Chidiac

At times these quotes can be very comforting, and at times they can rub just the wrong way… feeling frustrated that we have scars, angry that they are so deep, hurt that something so large happened to us… And that is how it is when we are deep in healing work, comfort often comes cloaked in many disguises and sometimes changes costumes mid-play.

Since my recent post about the dilemma of “Merry” Christmas I have been reminded of what an incredible gift permission is. We don’t allow ourselves often in this culture the permission to be where we are at… we spend so much of our time looking backwards pining for what was, feeling the loss so deeply, wanting to “fix” whatever is broken, or we spend time fantasizing of what “could” be, what we want and punishing ourselves for not being there yet…

What if instead we allowed ourselves permission to be where we are at?

Sometimes that means handling things with grace, poise and composed, and sometimes that means handling things no better than a toddler having a tantrum in the middle of the mall.

Sometimes things will bring comfort that didn’t before, and as your healing takes root, as you move forward the things that used to comfort may not, and you may be looking for a new perspective, a new way of looking at things, a new way of feeling about them. Your experience may shift from pain into a gift, a new perspective may help you reframe things. Sometimes you recoil against anything else changing, anything else shifting, it is enough just to walk upright in the world.

I give you permission to handle your life with grace and poise, and I give you permission to have a loud, ugly, tearful temper tantrum that leaves you feeling exhausted but refreshed.

I give you permission to not know what the next step, but the assurance that there will be a next step laid out for you.

I give you permission to be where you are at, and to promise that you won’t be there forever.

I give you permission to stop, to stay in this wave of grief until it subsides.

I give you permission to ride this wave of joy, to feel to the tips of your toes the sheer delight of the first genuine smile as your heart thaws and you feel yourself coming back to life.

I give you permission to feel the hurt, the pain, but also the promise and possibility of the life that will beckon you towards love.

I give you permission to allow the totality of you, with an invitation to travel your own journey in your time, in your way, with the support of all those who love you by your side.

You have permission to be you.

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The “Merry” Dilemma…

Posted in Gifts, Grief, The In-Between on December 18, 2011| 5 Comments »

My brother

Christmas is coming and it brings so many pieces of joy, of light, but for many also of longing and pain.

I have had many conversations recently with people in the midst of various In-Between’s who are struggling with not feeling the joy, with feeling the pain of feeling disingenuous when saying “Merry Christmas”.

My first Christmas after my divorce and the death of my brother I simply didn’t.

I stopped saying “Merry Christmas”, the words felt so hollow, the pain so deep and the gap between joy and the darkness of my heart so wide. I allowed myself to say “you too” and offer a small smile, but there was no “Merry” that year… and that was okay. I wish someone would have told me that it was okay. I wish someone would have told me that it wouldn’t last forever, but that for right then, in those moments there was no “Merry”. I struggled with wanting to feel “Merry”, I wanted so desperately to be “normal”, I wanted to care, but there wasn’t enough energy left, there wasn’t room in my heart for any “Merry”.

My friend who had lost her daughter was telling me about a Christmas card she received where at the bottom of the card a well-meaning someone had written “I hope all is well”. Her eyes filed with tears and her voice broke as she shared the pain those words had caused. This is the second year without their daughter to celebrate and all is not well. Although the capacity to feel joy, to see beauty, to share love will increase right now it is overshadowed by the grief and loss. Those words stung- a reminder that life is permanently changed, there is a before and after and you aren’t in the place to see that it will ever be “well” again and that the loss looms so large.

Other friends are struggling with the desire for “perfect” Christmases when children are melting down, parents nerves are strung tight, and everyone just seems to be overwhelmed and overstimulated. We all need to remind each other to hold ourselves gently, to know that our efforts are enough, that even though it doesn’t always feel like it. The magic of Christmas is that grace weaves it’s way through the difficult moments, that often there is a sparkle of light when you least expect it, and that meaning can be found in the simple moments shared together. I invite you to remember the most memorable moments of Christmas for you and I doubt they have anything to do with the presents you received but more than likely with the time that is shared, the memories created while catching snowflakes on your tongue, sipping hot chocolate after making snow angels, or watching the snow fall like diamonds in the purple veil of night. Allow yourself the space to breathe, to be gentle with yourself and to be where you are. Which may or may not be “Merry”, and that is okay.

May you be held in the magic of the season, may the warmth and love of those in your life hold you close as you heal. May your brokenness feel a little less sharp, may your tears bring healing and hope and may your heart find the healing that it seeks.

If you are in the midst of grief I offer you these words:

You have permission to not say “Merry Christmas.”

You have permission to be frustrated, to be hurt and to be upset by well-meaning friends and family who don’t understand the depth of your pain, the place you are in or the difficulty this season might bring.

You have permission for the lights that are meant to bring hope instead to sting your heart and illuminate the gap between what you “want” and what you have.

You have permission to cling to the love of those that surround you, to take more than you give, to trust that someday you will be able to give again when life fills you and it is your turn to support, to offer hope, to be the light. You have permission for that time not to be now.

You have permission to feel great love in the midst of great loss.

You have permission to miss that person, place or thing that you have lost while holding a space in your heart for the possibility of what is yet to come.

You have permission to cry and to laugh and to remember and to share those memories.

And for those who are grieving the loss of someone you love…

You have permission to say their name, to bring up in conversation the memories, the love, the loss that you feel.

You have permission to not know where you are.

You have permission not to be “Merry”.

For those who are supporting those in the midst of grief:

Say the name of those we have lost knowing that your acknowledgment may bring tears, but know that is a part of the healing. Your remembering soothes our heart.

Acknowledge the struggle that this season may bring.

Ask us to share memories of those that we have lost, allow us the opportunities to remember the love, the laughter and the memories. Allow us space to keep the love alive in our heart.

Know that your presence is a gift in and of itself.

Know that we may cling to you for the love and light we are looking for – but you are not responsible for making us “Merry”.

Know that even though it doesn’t take the place of what was lost your love is enough.

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