Erica Staab

Bubbles

Sometimes there are thoughts that won’t leave me alone.  They keep popping up in my head, in conversation and in moments when I least expect it.

Lately that has been this thought:

If you want better answers you have to ask better questions. 

And it has been showing up in so many different areas of my life lately.

So often we keep asking ourselves the same questions and wonder why we don’t move forward in our lives.  We ask ourselves “Why isn’t my life working?”  But yet we never stop to rephrase the question, or to ask a better question that might move us forward.  “What do I need to live my best life?”,  “What is working for me right now, and how can I do more of that?”, “Who do I have to support me and what do they say?”

Often we don’t ask the good questions of ourselves because we are afraid of the answer.  Sometimes it just feels safer to stay in the muck.

But I can guarantee you, if you are brave enough to ask yourself better questions you will find better answers.

Another place this has been popping up is realizing how often we have the same conversations over and over again.

“How are you today?”

“Fine.”

“Oh, glad to hear it.”

There are times when conversations about the weather, or about things we don’t really care about are okay… but what about the times when you want a better answer?  More often than not that can be remedied with a better question.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to ask questions, and sometimes I will ask questions that make people slightly uncomfortable, because I genuinely want to know what moves you, what gets you through the day, what lights you up, what are you passionate about, what sustains you through the dark times, what does love look like for you, what moment in your life changed you…

We all have a story and I love to listen.

So I have been experimenting with questions lately that will get me better answers… and I thought I would share some… Some are appropriate for your good friends and some more so for those summer BBQ’s, but regardless inviting others into conversation is a powerful experience.  We forget how so often we just want to see and be seen.  Just think of the last time that someone really showed genuine interest in what you had to say, when they asked good questions and waited for your answer, how the conversation shifted, how the world of possibilities opened up and your relationship deepened.

We are made of stories, we are here to share them.  Let’s ask better questions and get this party started!

What is the best thing that has happened to you since we last spoke?

What is working in your life? 

How can I be of service to you?  How can I help?

What are you passionate about?  What lights you up?

What was the best meal you have had lately?

If you had a weekend to yourself to do whatever you wanted to do, what would you do?

Author Brene Brown talks about all of us being made of strength and struggle… and that to me begs the question “What is your strength and what is your struggle?”

I think all too often we get caught up in the same conversations, the same routines, the same complaints, and it drains us of our power.  Asking better questions, focusing on what is right rather than what is wrong are easy ways to shift into better relationships.

So a question for you…

When has a question shifted something for you?