I shared with you one of my Erica Experiments- about saying Goodbye to TV. And the truth of the matter is over the past two years I have been engaging in several other experiments, and I am ready to be brave and share some of them with you.
Here is a short list of what I have been experimenting with:
living with more intention,
saying no more often so I can say YES to the things that matter,
prioritizing differently,
surrounding myself with the positive in a conscious way while embracing those difficult things that are real and need attention like grief and loss,
choosing to turn towards the light,
embracing my flaws and being able to love myself in the midst of, in spite of and because of my imperfections
being vulnerable and courageous.
learning new language that supports me- speaking to myself life a friend- someone I love, value and cherish rather than someone I have to tolerate.
learning how to truly accept a compliment
learning how to allow myself to celebrate my achievements instead of constantly looking to the “next” way to prove myself
thinking about and shifting how I show up in the world,
learning how to see my gifts, learning how to share them,
learning how to fill myself first and how to give from joy and abundance not from feeling like I “have to” or from a space of lack,
learning that I am worthy of love and belonging
delving more deeply into my relationship with something larger than myself (aka God, the Universe, the Mystery) and shared some of that in the Benedictions post,
taking big leaps with owning my dreams and saying them out loud
living authentically and being willing to risk dissapointment
learning to tell the truth- to myself and others
learning big lessons about letting go, about deep trust, about listening to my intuition, about holding myself gently and A LOT about forgiving myself.
At first I share what I have been learning only with my trusty journal. And then because I can’t help myself I would strike up a conversation with someone and when I would share my struggle, or my truth, or my learning more often than not they would lean in, their voice would get quiet their eyes searching mine wondering how I could see straight to their heart and and they would whisper “me too”. Time and time again I realized that I wasn’t alone.
Our hearts our so similar, they are jagged and cracked, tender and bruised and yet they are so beautiful.
In spite of it all here we are- our hearts still beating. We marvel in wonder at one another’s courage, bravery and we love them so fiercely- and yet we forget to offer ourselves that same fierce love.
And then quotes would be on my Facebook page, I would stumble onto a blog post, or another conversation and I would be reminded that these are things that we all struggle with, that we all muddle through, and so often we do it on our own because we think we are the “only ones.” And yet, we have this amazing connection, we have all of these wonderful similarities, and so often we don’t reach out to realize how achingly beautiful we all are, how wonderfully tender and resilient we are… we see it in others certainly, but we often refuse to see it in ourselves.
I have a picture of myself as a child on my fridge, now with a picture of my niece next to it and it is striking the similarities. And wonder when i stopped looking at myself with kind eyes. When I look at pictures of Annabelle I see a purity of spirit, a tiny human brimming over with love, with innocence and joy. I see nothing but beauty. So one of my grand Erica Experiments has been to look at myself through kind eyes.
In pictures when I look with kind eyes I see it all in such a different light, so full of possibility, so tender, so adorable, and I don’t pick apart and analyze any of it. I think the random curls in her hair are precious and part of the very reason she radiates beauty.
What if we all looked at ourselves with kind eyes. So that has been my road to self-love lately. Asking myself to look with kind eyes at myself and the rest of the world.
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Erica Staab 