I have been excited about rolling out my new Facebook page, unveiling new writing, opening up three spots in my coaching practice and working on some new blog posts and I was so excited about this being the week that I started doing more on the blog and on Facebook, and instead I have been wiped out by a nasty virus for the past four days. My lips are chapped from breathing through my mouth, my muscles are sore from coughing and everything aches, and I am about as far from Radiant as I can be.
It was one for the record books for me, being up for about 4 hours in a 48 hour period where just thinking about moving was an effort. And yet, even in the midst of the pain and discomfort there were many moments of radiance, moments to string together to remind me that it wouldn’t always be this way. Friends and family who would check in, drop off needed items like 7-Up, Orange Juice and more Nyquil, also those who called and reminded me that I am so very loved.
Moments that reminded me that sometimes it isn’t me that needs to create radiance, sometimes the radiance is love from another, shared by their giving, and by my receiving. Sometimes radiance is found in rest, in receptivity. I have trained myself to always be the creator, the giver, the bringer, and I forget to find the balance. I have been drawn to quotes and writing about silence lately and I could feel my very cells calling out for it, but I didn’t stop, there was so much to “do”.
Sickness tends to bring out vulnerability, and reminds us that we can’t always do it “all by myself”. It reminds us we don’t always have control- sometimes we need to surrender to something larger than ourselves, to remember that the world will continue to spin even if we aren’t there to guide it, sometimes we need to stop and let everything catch up, and if we don’t do it, sometimes our bodies will do it for us.
So the past few days I have been silent, drinking in the stillness, my body and soul thirsty for that time, and it has caused me to recommit to my scheduling in silence for myself. To be mindful of my balance, to honor my needs, to recommit to deep listening to my own wisdom. It has reminded me to remember to provide nourishment for all of me, body, soul and spirit on a regular basis. It has reminded me that sometimes a little silence, curling up in grandma’s quilt made with love, eating chicken and rice soup also made with love is all a girl needs to feel radiant again
Erica Staab 
I hope you feel better soon Erica , I love the gentle way you looked at being vulnerable ,it has me see that resenting my body for being in pain isn’t what it needs at all ,but loving ,comforting kindness .Its easy to care for others ,maybe lifes lesson is to care for ourself ,take care ,love and hugs Pam
I am feeling so much better thank you 🙂
And yes… our body craves that love and kindness, from others and ourselves, it allows our body to do what it does best- heal, realign, and restore.
Hi Erica,
Well you hit home again with the silence thing. Why is it so hard to be silent?
I’ve been learning a little about silence the last 4 weeks as well as the next 4 1/2 weeks. 4 weeks ago I started laser treatments for prostate cancer at the Cancer Clinic in Northfield. The first 3 days out of 5 days a week was pure torture. It last only about 15 min. but the silence and loneness is excruciating. The mind is all over the place and and being 1/2 naked on a table in the middle of a big room with a huge machine stopping at 3 different places with 4 pairs of eyes watching from another room leads the mind to strange places and fearing stranger outcomes.
My mind went all over the place, from childhood, to vacation spots, to wonderful memories to get through the first 3 days then I started praying and it’s funny how prayers we’ve been saying most of our lives are hard to remember when under stress. Finally as the days went by I remembered with greater clarity the prayers and since then it’s been easier and I look forward to this 15 min. ever day for the quiet time.
It’s easier to sometimes go to that quiet place in your home, church, cemetery, lake, woods, or even with another friend but when your forced to that quiet place I found it a bit disconcerting. I think about P.O.W.’s how they were forced in solitary confinement for years in Viet Nam etc. and how they spent all their time learning prayers, poems & stories just to survive. One never knows what one is going to do when faced with stillness and silence.
I’m thankful for the opportunity to go through just a little bit of this and hope I’ll continue to keep some quiet time when I get done. Just thought I’d share what the quiet time means to me, thank you for sharing
So glad you shared your thoughts Milo… it is an interesting differentiation… when silence is forced vs. invited… both can be learned from, but they bring their own lessons and feelings to be sure.
I will continue to send healing thoughts and lots of love and prayers your way… please let me know if there is anything I can do for you!
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