I have been excited about rolling out my new Facebook page, unveiling new writing, opening up three spots in my coaching practice and working on some new blog posts and I was so excited about this being the week that I started doing more on the blog and on Facebook, and instead I have been wiped out by a nasty virus for the past four days. My lips are chapped from breathing through my mouth, my muscles are sore from coughing and everything aches, and I am about as far from Radiant as I can be.
It was one for the record books for me, being up for about 4 hours in a 48 hour period where just thinking about moving was an effort. And yet, even in the midst of the pain and discomfort there were many moments of radiance, moments to string together to remind me that it wouldn’t always be this way. Friends and family who would check in, drop off needed items like 7-Up, Orange Juice and more Nyquil, also those who called and reminded me that I am so very loved.
Moments that reminded me that sometimes it isn’t me that needs to create radiance, sometimes the radiance is love from another, shared by their giving, and by my receiving. Sometimes radiance is found in rest, in receptivity. I have trained myself to always be the creator, the giver, the bringer, and I forget to find the balance. I have been drawn to quotes and writing about silence lately and I could feel my very cells calling out for it, but I didn’t stop, there was so much to “do”.
Sickness tends to bring out vulnerability, and reminds us that we can’t always do it “all by myself”. It reminds us we don’t always have control- sometimes we need to surrender to something larger than ourselves, to remember that the world will continue to spin even if we aren’t there to guide it, sometimes we need to stop and let everything catch up, and if we don’t do it, sometimes our bodies will do it for us.
So the past few days I have been silent, drinking in the stillness, my body and soul thirsty for that time, and it has caused me to recommit to my scheduling in silence for myself. To be mindful of my balance, to honor my needs, to recommit to deep listening to my own wisdom. It has reminded me to remember to provide nourishment for all of me, body, soul and spirit on a regular basis. It has reminded me that sometimes a little silence, curling up in grandma’s quilt made with love, eating chicken and rice soup also made with love is all a girl needs to feel radiant again
Erica Staab 