Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

40 Days of Silence

Posted in Gifts, Life as Prayer, Shifts, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on February 14, 2012| 5 Comments »

Learn to pause… or nothing worthwhile will catch up with you.

Doug King

Since I had pretty much four days to do not a whole lot but sleep and think, I had been thinking a lot about stopping, about surrendering.   About listening to the voice that won’t yell, that won’t clamor above the noise to be heard, the voice that requires your full attention before sharing it’s wisdom with you.

This is the voice that speaks to me when I write deeply from the heart, the voice that always speaks with love and compassion, but can also share truth that sometimes stings a little.  This is the voice that won’t play games, that won’t appear on demand when I have five minutes, nor will it disappear no matter how long I refuse to make time for it.  It is the voice that helps to balance me, that reminds me to enjoy my life, to drink deeply of each experience, the voice that helps keep me connected to me.

And I realize I haven’t been doing a good job of making time for my inner voice of wisdom lately.

I have been doing a great job of living a life I love, of balancing a lot of competing demands, of being a lot of things to a lot of people- but not carving out specific time to listen to that inner voice of wisdom.  This is one of the dangers of a life that is full… full of events, activities, people, places and things… most of which are chosen well, but I had some time to think through what it is that I want.  Is my work/life balance working, is my self-care working, is my time with friends and family enough, is my writing time/alone time enough.  What is it that I really want and need in my life right now… at least for the next six months.

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” Stephen R. Covey

One of the best lessons I have learned from my friends who are parents of young children is the constant reminder that the children that you are dealing with today will not be the children you have a week from now, a month from now.  Every day they grow and change, their needs change, their ability to handle life changes, their very beings mold and adapt each day.  And sometimes before a big growth spurt they will momentarily regress to gather themselves to propel to their next developmental stage.  Somehow I had forgotten that as adults we do the same.  Life changes, seasons change, our self-care and priorities need to change with them as well.  And it is good to revisit what is working, what isn’t working and make small adjustments.

As I move towards living my life with more intention, with the goal of becoming the best Erica I can be I am realizing that incremental change isn’t as sexy as declaring that I shall eat nothing but grapefruit and chant 100 prayers a day and do yoga for 30 days straight, but it does certainly get me better results and for me it sticks.

I had wanted to eat better, to incorporate more fruits and veggies, and since watching Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead to use a juicer on a regular basis- I have started to do that because my intention was simple to get at least 5 more servings of fruit a week.  Incremental change, and it has made a difference.

After having a great call with my coach tonight and talking about some of bits and pieces that my inner voice of wisdom has shared since I was forced/made time to listen (because as a good friend pointed out, regardless I was going to be sick, but it didn’t mean I had to learn anything, I made that choice, to be present for the lessons that were unfolding).  I realized that I want more of that in my life.  So instead of the radical change that I would have wanted in the past… perhaps 7 days of silence in a monastery somewhere in Nepal that would have never happened because it would require a passport and vaccinations and tickets and… and… instead, I am taking the incremental change route.

40 Days of Silence.

I am committing to 40 Days of Silence.

And the incremental roll out of that will be that for the next 40 days I will make a conscious choice to carve out five minutes of my day to be silent.  And my coach had asked a great clarifying question “What is your definition of silence?”  And I realized that for me I wanted it to incorporate a few different pieces…

One is that it is without any obvious distractions, but more importantly that it be without “productive thought”.  So often when I sit with the intention of being silent I am trying to figure out what I should write next, or what goal I am working towards, or thinking about wow, it is quiet maybe I should turn on the radio/tv, check Facebook, anything but just savoring this peaceful moment.  So to have it be about savoring the moment as is, whatever that may be.

Two is that I want it to have some element of the natural world.  Living in Minnesota watching the snow fall softly is one of my favorite afternoon activities, but we haven’t had a whole lot this year, and I haven’t made time to enjoy it.  Watching the branches and leaves sway, watching the clouds float by, appreciating the sun on my face when I get a chance to be outside during the day, all of these invite that spacious silence that I am seeking.

Three is sitting in the lap of love.  I have a friend that calls her prayer time lap time.  And whenever I am anxious, frustrated or have wound myself tightly about something that I usually have little control over she will remind me “Have you had your lap time?”.  Taking the time to curl up in the lap of God and enjoy letting go of control, allowing yourself to simply feel completely and utterly loved.

Four is sometimes it will mean more of a moving meditation.  Quietly walking, or stretching, or something else that my body is called to do.

So I know myself well enough to know that I have to have enough structure to make sense, but not enough that it feels claustrophobic.  So how will I know?  I will know it is that time because when I walk away I will feel connected and restored.  I will feel like slowing down.  I will feel like I have just had a tall glass of cool water.

So I am sure that I will share more about my 40 Days of Silence, but I invite you to consider, what is it that you would like more of in your life?  What would you like to focus on for 40 Days?

Read Full Post »

Radiance, Silence and Sickness…

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , on February 12, 2012| 5 Comments »

 

I have been excited about rolling out my new Facebook page, unveiling new writing, opening up three spots in my coaching practice and working on some new blog posts and I was so excited about this being the week that I started doing more on the blog and on Facebook, and instead I have been wiped out by a nasty virus for the past four days.  My lips are chapped from breathing through my mouth, my muscles are sore from coughing and everything aches, and I am about as far from Radiant as I can be.  

It was one for the record books for me, being up for about 4 hours in a 48 hour period where just thinking about moving was an effort.  And yet, even in the midst of the pain and discomfort there were many moments of radiance, moments to string together to remind me that it wouldn’t always be this way.  Friends and family who would check in, drop off needed items like 7-Up, Orange Juice and more Nyquil, also those who called and reminded me that I am so very loved.  

Moments that reminded me that sometimes it isn’t me that needs to create radiance, sometimes the radiance is love from another, shared by their giving, and by my receiving.  Sometimes radiance is found in rest, in receptivity.  I have trained myself to always be the creator, the giver, the bringer, and I forget to find the balance.  I have been drawn to quotes and writing about silence lately and I could feel my very cells calling out for it, but I didn’t stop, there was so much to “do”. 

Sickness tends to bring out vulnerability, and reminds us that we can’t always do it “all by myself”.  It reminds us we don’t always have control- sometimes we need to surrender to something larger than ourselves, to remember that the world will continue to spin even if we aren’t there to guide it, sometimes we need to stop and let everything catch up, and if we don’t do it, sometimes our bodies will do it for us.   

So the past few days I have been silent, drinking in the stillness, my body and soul thirsty for that time, and it has caused me to recommit to my scheduling in silence for myself.  To be mindful of my balance, to honor my needs, to recommit to deep listening to my own wisdom.  It has reminded me to remember to provide nourishment for all of me, body, soul and spirit on a regular basis.  It has reminded me that sometimes a little silence, curling up in grandma’s quilt made with love, eating chicken and rice soup also made with love is all a girl needs to feel radiant againImage

Read Full Post »

Filled with light…

Posted in Joy, Light, Uncategorized, Visible Love, tagged , on January 5, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Light

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.
And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine.”
~ Mary Oliver ~

Read Full Post »

A gift…

Posted in Gifts, Uncategorized, Visible Love, Work in the World, tagged , , on December 17, 2011| Leave a Comment »

Christmas Cactus from my Grandmother

I have been reminded time and time again that it is a gift to be used in the Service of Love.

May you bloom into your gifts, be of service and seek out love today and always.

Read Full Post »

Growing in the midst of life…

Posted in Questions, Uncategorized, Work in the World on September 28, 2011| 5 Comments »

Emerging

I have long believed that everyone at some point in their lives should go to therapy.  I think as long as you live your life in this world, you are bound to experience love, loss, belonging, feeling adrift, finding your purpose and wandering aimlessly.  Gifted therapists are worth their weight in gold and can help you find your way back to yourself when life pulls you a little off course.

After getting off the phone with my coach this last session I am even more convinced that everyone needs a life coach too.

The way I see it therapy looks to the past, releases you from it’s hold and invites you to begin to see a new way of life.  Coaching is the plan for your new life, it is an invitation to participate in building, creating and falling in love with your life.  The first time we talked my coach JoAnna
said that what she does is simple-  “I help people fall in love with their lives”.  I think that sums it up perfectly, and I haven’t come across a better definition.

My friends have been asking all sorts of questions about working with a coach, what is it like, is it worth it, what do you do?  And I thought I would share some of the things that keep running through my mind and the things that I think after I hang up the phone:

  • Of course!  It all (or at least most of it!) makes sense now.

There is something magical about having someone to listen to you, to have their sole purpose to help you untangle the threads of your life.  Someone there to be a compassionate witness, someone to help you through your stuck places, to see you through your struggle and celebrate your growth.

  • She is like a friend on steroids.

I enjoy our conversations.  I hang up feeling like I can tackle the world, and even better I have the action steps and goals to do it.  Her sole purpose is to help me get where I want to go and to be a cheerleader in the process.  There is something incredibly affirming about investing in yourself enough to purchase a cheering section for solely for you.  I still need my friends and family who are in my corner, waving wildly and smiling broadly, but there is something about having someone suit up on a regular basis for your game plan that is priceless.

  • I have honored my commitment.

When she first asked if I was willing to make the commitment to myself, to my dreams, to falling in love with my life I said yes… but I realized after hanging up that I really wasn’t sure.  To say yes meant that I had to show up, I had to put my money where my mouth was.  To say yes meant that I believed in me enough to commit to an investment, it meant I had to say no to excuses, yes to me.  Every two weeks I had to say yes, I worked on these things, or no I didn’t… in reality the only person that I was truly committing to was me, she got paid regardless of whether I did or didn’t do my part… but knowing that I was going to answer to another human created a different level of responsibility.  Before this commitment I kept talking about what I was going to change, what I was “going” to do, but there was always something that got in the way. And until you make that commitment “something” will always be in the way.  I finally realized that the world will not stop for me to grow/change/grieve/stretch etc..  So I needed to figure out how to grow in the midst of my life.

  • I have been challenged.

Although we laugh, although I always leave feeling better that I started, that isn’t to say that we don’t talk about tough stuff, that we don’t delve through the mucky stories that I tell myself to keep me rooted in fear and stuck in old patterns.  Part of her job is to gently challenge, to reframe and invite me to see an old problem/issue/habit in a new way…  and this is where the dance of past, present and future happens… uprooting old ways of thinking, inviting new patterns and habits and dreaming of possibility.

  • Wow, I did that.

In our sessions it is very clear that it isn’t just about to do lists, and tasks to check off, but part of the session is always devoted to celebrating what has been done.  It is important to take a moment to recognize all of the action steps in moving forward, it is about enjoying the process, not just the end goal.  And so often I found myself moving forward always in anticipation of the “end”, whatever that may be.  But this has helped to remind me to celebrate and honor the process too.

  • Clarity and Focus

There is something that happens in our conversations that helps to bring clarity and focus to what I want, to how I am going to get there.  By asking insightful questions, by offering different ways to look at something suddenly things seem to make a little more sense.

My book will be coming out in the next two weeks, and I know that part of the reason that it is finally here is because I said yes to investing in my life.  And without a doubt saying yes to coaching has transformed my life.  I have heard that time and time again from people who have done it. Mentoring, coaching etc., it goes by many names, but the outcome is often the same- breaking through fear, leaping into a life you love, celebrating new accomplishments and investing in the most valuable commodity- YOU!

What are you ready to invest in?  What parts of you need nurturing, unraveling, truth-telling, hope and kindness?

I invite you to consider coaching as a way to stretch just a little beyond your comfort zone.  See what coaching/dreaming/emerging/stretching might do for you.  Most coaches (myself included) will offer a complementary session to see if you will work well together.

For more information on my coaching philosophy click here.

For more information on my coach JoAnna (who just happens to be fabulous!) click here.

And if you are just ready to mull over some good questions try these:

10 Questions That Have No Right to Go Away- David Whyte

Or e-mail me and I will send you a pdf of 50 Powerful Coaching Questions– compassioninallthings – at- gmail.com

 

Read Full Post »

Pain and tender light…

Posted in Grief, Shifts, Uncategorized on September 25, 2011| 4 Comments »

Yesterday I woke up to a call from a friend who was in the midst of deep emotional pain.  It was the ending of a relationship, a packing of their life shared into little boxes.  And to no ones surprise she was reminded that life doesn’t fit so neatly into boxes.  There is the unexpected running into momentos, pictures, moments that they had shared, milestones that were celebrated, and now the untangling. The unraveling of lives that had been woven together for the better part of a decade.  Loss, grief and pain were consuming her and darkening her field of vision.

An hour later I was in the salon waiting for my first client.  And as he rose with difficulty his eyes met mine, only they weren’t the same eyes I had looked into the last time I saw him.  This time his eyes were clouded, full of fear and pain.

As he walked slowly, gingerly back to the massage table he was sharing about his back pain.  The fear of the next spasm- the pain that would bring him to his knees, the unpredictability of it, the intensity of it and how his life in the past two weeks had been closed down, reduced to the bare essentials- his life darkened by pain.

Pain- emotional, physical, both bound by it, both deep in the middle of it… both scared of the spasms… both afraid of what comes next… what unsuspecting move or discovery would bring back the blinding pain.

For both the same remedy… touching the tender places, touching gently at first, finding the edge of the pain, finding the borders and the cause, re-introducing the body and the heart to touch that won’t cause pain, breathing in and out, finding safety for sore muscles, for broken hearts.

Both left in different places… both remembering that they are more than their pain, that there was life before, there will be life after- but for now life requires gentleness, modifications of various sorts.  Both require lots of rest and water, getting rid of the toxins, clearing out the residue of fear, and learning to trust again.

Trusting the body, trusting the heart, trusting the healing.

And again it comes back a simple recipe for healing…

Breathe

Listen to the pain

Attend with gentleness

Find safety for the hurting places

Trust in the process

Seek out comfort

Look for the healing

Once the pain has opened up the way for the new beginning look to the path stepping one foot in front of another.

Keep breathing.

Pain is the one thing that we spend so much of our time avoiding, keeping the house at just the right temperature, keeping ourselves away from any element that might create mess in any form.  Yet, the best of life happens in the mess.  Often the moments of greatest stretching and growth happen in the moment of tension between our comfort zone and the beginning of pain.  Sometimes these moments are ones we consciously invite, and sometimes they are moments that are forced upon us.

Either way we still choose how we respond to pain.  Do we breathe into it, or as Brene Brown talks about “lean into the discomfort.” Or do we constrict our lives, allowing fear to have us focus only the darkness.

It is my hope that you put your faith in the crack of light, that little shaft that breaks through to show us the way back to the light in our life.  My hope that you would trust in healing, trust that as John O’Donohue reminds us “You are more than your pain.”

“Even though life may have moved wearily and painfully through such a person, they have still managed not to let it corrode their soul. In such a face a lovely luminosity shines out into the world. It casts a tender light that radiates a sense of wholeness and wholesomeness.”

― John O’Donohue,

Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

Read Full Post »

What Would A Warrior Do…

Posted in Uncategorized on July 26, 2011| 3 Comments »

A Happy Warrior

So this weekend I participated in the very first Minnesota Warrior Dash.

Basically it is a 5k and an obstacle course all rolled up into one, and then for a little added enjoyment they plopped it on a ski hill.

I have decided my middle name should be changed to Warrior.

Although you think I jest, I am only half kidding.

I want to remember how it felt to cross the finish line after listening to my fears take center stage all morning. I want to remember how good it felt to have strangers yell out encouraging things to those who looked like they were struggling because we were all in this together.  I want to remember how good it felt to be hot, sweaty, muddy and only through the first third.  And somehow how we all just keep going anyway, just a little bit more until we found that second and third wind to carry us through.  I want to remember how good it felt to cheer others on when I had some extra energy to spare.  I want to remember the guy with the tulle tutu who was holding his wife’s hand saying “Come On Honey You Can Do It!” when her fear was looming large, and watching her do the same at the obstacles that he struggled with.  I want to remember how amazing it was to silence fear with action and to literally leap over fire.  I want to remember what it felt like to celebrate afterwards, to earn your Warrior Helmet.

It felt good to be reminded of a lot of things, to force myself to face my fears and as Nike implores us- Just Do It!

Things I learned/was reminded of at Warrior Dash:

Sometimes, we need to be reminded just how strong we are.

Sometimes we need to step outside our comfort zones, and that is often best done with friends (and it doesn’t hurt to have that followed by a turkey leg and beer!)

Sometimes you need to celebrate your victory and revel in the fact that you did it, you climbed that hill, you hauled yourself over that wall, you broke down that barrier, you crawled through mud and jumped over fire to get where you are.

Sometimes you need to surround yourself with other people who are willing to get a little dirty, to have a little fun, to go that extra mile.

Sometimes you just need to ask yourself… What Would A Warrior Do?

Read Full Post »

Sinking into sadness…

Posted in Grief, Uncategorized on July 20, 2011| 1 Comment »

From the Minnesota Quilt Show 2011

When sad, be really sad, sink into sadness. What else can you do? Sadness is needed. It is very relaxing, a dark night that surrounds you. Fall asleep into it. Accept it, and you will see that the moment you accept sadness, it starts becoming beautiful. – Osho

(Thanks to Alana’s post at Life After Benjamin for this powerful quote)

I am beginning to accept and trust that if I truly let myself go into sadness that I will not stay there for longer than I need to.  It gets uncomfortable after awhile, like a sweater that is just a little too small, and I long for the lightness of being, of joy bubbling up… but I have learned how to honor sadness, let it wash over me, do what it will and then watch it ebb away.  And the more freely I allow myself these moments, the more I just sink into sadness, ask it what it wants of me, what does it want to say, the more quickly it responds, and the more easily it retreats.  So often it simply wants the chance to sit with what is in the moment, honor the loss, mourn the empty places and give voice to what was lost before moving on to a full throttle life.

Sadness requires a sitting in the unknown, in the silence, in the empty spaces… and we who are so fast to fill our lives shudder at the thought of an empty space, a moment where we hear our own breath echo in the silence.  But this is an opportunity to touch sadness, to turn it over in our hands, to feel the sharp edges, to see how it fits into our lives adding something even if we can’t quite name what it is yet.

There were so many times in the midst of my deepest grief that I doubted that I would ever feel happy again, that I would ever truly smile again.  The smile that seems to come from deep inside that can’t help but force itself out.  Gratitude was fleeting and so much of me was numb and life felt flat and lifeless.  But over time, bit by bit, there were moments that reminded me to trust, to know that my very being was laced with joy, that my gratitude would return, that my love was never lost, that as Rilke reminds us “no feeling is ever final.”

“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

Read Full Post »

A Sentence Away from a Solution

Posted in Uncategorized on July 7, 2011| 2 Comments »

Waterfall

I had spent the better part of a month trying to figure out a solution for a problem I was having, it was full of complexities and I had gotten tangled in it’s web.  If I do this then I might offend someone, if I say this then those others might not understand, if I do this then which do I do first? And the list went on and on… until finally it was so woven together it looked as though there was no light and no way that everyone could get what they wanted and I could find the peace I was seeking.

I finally got so sick of it I just gave up, and I let it go and let my subconscious start working.  I went on a walk and after a conversation with a friend, which had sparked something another friend had said earlier and suddenly in one sentence, there was my solution.

All of this agonizing, all of this obsessiveness and yet I was just one sentence away from a solution.  I was the one telling myself stories, I was the one that was making it so much more complicated than it ever needed to be.  And it reminded me of when I first went to go work out at the gym, I was so afraid that everyone would look at me and think “What is that girl doing here?  She doesn’t know how to work this machine.”  And then a few weeks into working out I realized that most of the time people barely even notice you are there.  Most of the time they were so into their own workouts, their own pain, their own story, their own fears that they were barely looking at me.

And all too often I forget that I am my biggest hurdle.

All too often I find the solution is just one well-crafted sentence away if I am willing to make room for a new way of thinking.

Read Full Post »

Are You Willing?

Posted in Uncategorized on July 5, 2011| Leave a Comment »

are you willing to be wrong

are you willing to be quiet even if you are right

are you willing to not have to prove yourself every moment of every day

are you willing to let go a little piece of your illusion of control

are you willing to dig deeper, love harder, cry more, and laugh more deeply

are you willing to play the starring role in your own life

are you willing to stand in your own power

are you willing to take a risk, knowing that there is no such thing as failure

are you willing to be open to the idea that there is a love for you, so big, so strong, so real, so pure, so full, so complete, simply for you to experience, for you to appreciate, for you to sink into, for you to enjoy and grow in

are you willing to give up what you have done in the past, are you willing to show up differently

are you willing to let go of your limited ideas of what is available for you, about who you are, about where you fit in the world

are you willing to be blown away by the ease with which you will find your purpose

are you willing to believe that you can merge all pieces of your life together, your purpose, your partner, your work and your play.

are you willing to believe that this is waiting for you in a short time period

are you willing to say goodbye to the things that you will need to let go of to have what is waiting for you.

are you willing to spend a little more time in the muck, in the inbetween so we can prepare you both… you are both growing, reaching, stretching, preparing and longing for one another.

are you willing to continue to grow each day, knowing you are doing exactly what you need to do, even if you can’t quite see the ways the pieces fit together.

are you willing to believe that the Universe/God/The Source/All That Is wants you to have deep joy, to embrace this life fully, for you to laugh heartily, for you to savor all the abundance that has been placed before you

are you willing to believe I have always been with you

are you willing to step into your larger self, into your new life

in time, are you willing to help others do the same

are you willing?

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts